If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize