Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
