I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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