someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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