Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Pappa wants mamma naked
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
