ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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