mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
false alarm, still single
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
