Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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