Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
