dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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