she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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