If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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