dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
