Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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