I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
