i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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