I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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