it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
