he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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