True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Still dying that you shit outside
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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