That's when you crack a 10am beer
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
