Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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