Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am one with the molecules
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
