Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
