your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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