So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
