Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
