____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Fuck appropriateness.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
