so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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