That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize