either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize