i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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