I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
