im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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