i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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