Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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