proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
