I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
