Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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