I cockslap morals
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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