I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Damn victory sex feels great
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
