So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
