so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
