wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
even my farts smell like vagina
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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