I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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