i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
