I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
