God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
