I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
