girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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