So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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