no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
