the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
