Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
