Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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