better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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