so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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