if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
