i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
