Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
zippers are such a cool invention
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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