Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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